Purpose

When daylight creeps through your curtains, do you snooze your alarm or stop it? I guess it depends on whether you have to or not. What’s the harm in enjoying another moment submerged in softness? Well, for me, the morning is where the day is won or lost.

I am the living embodiment of ‘start as you mean to go on’, it can take mere moments of a day to decide if I’m engaged or apathetic. However, even when I’m not working, I’m constantly reminded by myself that taking time to relax feels like a waste. More often than not, my approval rating for each 24 hours is based on little more than how much I’ve achieved.

Truthfully, there is a good chance I’ve already wasted enough days for one lifetime. Afternoons when I should have been in lectures spent lounging on sun-soaked slabs of concrete. It’s amusing that I reminisce upon these moments more fondly than when I achieved my aims, despite relaxing never leaving me feeling fulfilled.

As far as I understand it, achievement is the currency of purpose. A gold medal would be little more than something shiny if we didn’t hold it in such esteem. To prove to ourselves that purpose overrides aimlessness, we invent reasons to achieve.

Truthfully, I’m grateful. I crave routine. Although it’s monotonous, when it’s absent, I’m structureless. It’s why I don’t always enjoy my time off; I’m forced to find alternate objectives to sate my appetite to achieve. Anything to keep my conscience quiet.

But what you ought to ask yourself, before you make decisions, is if you listen to yourself. I believe most of us understand whether we’re doing harm or good. We know the consequences of our choices while we walk headfirst into them. Sometimes, we ignore inevitable outcomes to afford ourselves a moment’s peace.

All too often, my dad looks me in the eye, smiles, and tells me, “Don’t think too hard, you might hurt yourself”. Subtly, I think that might be the best advice I’ve ever received. Try not to dwell on what you do, just enjoy doing it.